Marriage and how to make it a success!

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Marriage is a bonding of two people who have spent a considerable period of time together. On average over a yr to 3 yrs is long enough to be able to decide whether an individual on both sides wants to make more of a commitment from committed couple being exclusive to now a couple for life.


During the time of exclusive commitment of 1 to 3 yrs (for some even more) both parties get to see the other person’s overall morals, values, priorities in life with interests. For some there a lot of common modalities with each other make a great pair but for others similarities are a few but also differences (from a few to multiple).   This is where with the differences can the two work out being in a relationship for life living with each other day in and day out or most days. Well yes it is just up to the two that make up the couple to want to take the initiative in learning the other one’s desires and interests but in regards to changing morals and values for some in the couple shouldn’t take place unless that individual wants to and believes that is the morals and values they want to live by not to make the other one happy since high odds the relationship won’t work out.

What makes a relationship honestly work. Well there are ingredients to it not just one thing.

Those ingredients entail:


Love/Commitment. At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Everyday life wears away the “feel good side of marriage.” Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple’s vows of commitment: “For better or for worse” — when it feels good and when it doesn’t. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever – and that is what defines true love. It is a decision to be committed through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life in your marriage journey.


Sexual Faithfulness. Sexual faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness as a spouse by either side. Including actions that can be perceived by the other as a break in the emotional, intimate, love, close friendship bonds you both have. Remember it is easy for human behavior to remember what was done badly to you but easy to forget the good that was done to you by your mate especially with fighting a lot. This brings in the old saying it’s easy to forgive but not forget it-human behavior. With fighting a lot this can easily put a big damper on the high impact of love covering all aspects from sexually to emotionally to simple how nice you are to one another with respecting each other. Both parties have to put their spouse first when fire escalates irrelevant who initiated the fire for if the fire gets out of hand to control it will be hard to put out or forget.  By preventing this from occurring in your relationship you always must consider your spouses feelings. It really isn’t hard. This brings us to the next ingredient.


Humility. We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Holding an attitude of superiority over your partner will bring about resentment and will prevent your relationship from moving forward. If you struggle in this area, grab a pencil and quickly write down three things that your partner does better than you – that simple exercise should help you stay humble. Repeat as often as necessary which will keep retain this good knowledge you have about your mate and make you bite your tongue in the next disagreement. For when you do have those disagreements to arguments it brings up our next ingredient.


Patience/Forgiveness. Because no one is perfect, patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. Successful marriage partners learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to their partner. They humbly admit their own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. They do not bring up past errors in an effort to hold their partner hostage. And they do not seek to make amends or get revenge when mistakes occur. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and relationship free.


Time. Relationships don’t work without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent. The relationship with your spouse should be the most intimate and deep relationship you have. Therefore, it is going to require more time than any other relationship. If possible, set aside time each day for your spouse. And a date-night once in awhile wouldn’t hurt either.


Honesty and Trust. Honesty and trust become the foundation for everything healthy in a marriage. But unlike most of the other essentials on this list, trust takes time. You can become selfless, committed, or patient in a moment, but trust always takes time. Trust is only built after weeks, months, and years of being who you say you are and doing what you say you’ll do. It takes time, so start now… and if you need to rebuild trust in your relationship, you’ll need to work even harder.


Communication. Successful marriage partners communicate as much as possible. They certainly discuss kids’ schedules, grocery lists, and utility bills. But they don’t stop there. They also communicate hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties. They don’t just discuss the changes that are taking place in the kid’s life, they also discuss the changes that are taking place in their own hearts and souls. This essential key cannot be overlooked because honest, forthright communication becomes the foundation for so many other things on this list: commitment, patience, and trust… just to name a few.


Selflessness. Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner but your partner has to want to live and enhance those dreams with you with never putting the majority of your dreams down or not acknowledging them. By both partners accepting and supporting each other’s dreams only allows the two in the marriage to begin to live life together and only intensify the love for each other with respect.


Lastly give incentives and rewards.

For the couples in general affective affirmation is a good key to marriage happiness. Affective affirmation is for example letting your partner know that they’re special, valued and you don’t take them for granted. Showing your mate through incentives and rewards is acknowledging them in a loving to even intimate way, depending on what the spouse uses as a reward or giving as a good incentive.

Couples show affective affirmation through words and actions. It’s as simple as saying “I love you” or “You’re my best friend.” Affirmative behaviors can be anything from turning the coffee pot on in the morning for your partner to sending them a sexy email to filling their tank with gas.

Contrary to popular belief, men need more affective affirmation than women because women can get it from other people in our lives.

The key is to give consistent affirmation rather than heaps of it at once.

You both can make a marriage live on for life but it’s also up to both to make it exciting and a wondrous journey but many make it dull, boring to dense that at times leads to curiosity out of the marriage to divorce. It is up to the couple to both make the marriage work not only one can make it work but the two have to work at it to make it a great marriage to both parties.

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